She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
