i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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