I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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