Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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