i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
