i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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