you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
