I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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