Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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