So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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