yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
