Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
