Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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