I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
