apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
