My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
false alarm, still single
Randomize
