we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
