i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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