We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
