2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
