I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
