i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
