you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
