She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
