Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
