the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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