Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
