Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
