no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
