Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
