that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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