Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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