He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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