I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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