hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
They took my balls.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize