I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
