Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
