So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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