I think I am morally bankrupt
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
