no, he came in my armpit
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
