He disabled his match.com account in front of me
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
