My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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