Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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