She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
