I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize