My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
