On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize