YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
