I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
