i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize