I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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