the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You need a sexual gate keeper
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
