I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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