I'm lost and stupid without you.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
