I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
