My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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