if i died would you start the facebook group?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
