Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
