I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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