At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
