hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
