CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
