woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
