FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
