I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
