so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
