So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
