I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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