I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
