ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize