I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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