atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
