The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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